Best Jokes

The viola got a solo......

3 young men met one pretty lady after church service. The men decided to introduce themselves. The first man says, I am Joseph but not the dreamer, the second man says I am John but not the Baptist and the last man says I am Abraham but not the father of nations. The pretty lady said hello to her new friends and introduced herself as Mary but not a virgin.

An Australian Professor was conducting a research on crocodiles along the Sepik River and was escorted by a villager who knew a lot about the river and crocodiles. Paddling up the river, the Professor asked the village escort, "do you know how to read?" asked the Professor. The Villager replied, "nogat eh". The professor then said, "well, then you are already dead because you know nothing". The villager was so upset that he paddled the canoe without saying a word.
A little up the river, the villager then asked the professor, "do you know swimiology?" The professor replied, "No". "Well then, you are dead," said the villager. "Because, if the canoeology is sinkology, you will not swimology, and the crocodiology will eatology your assology."

I called into my local pub to find O"Reily nursing a black eye, and looking very sorry for himself. "so what happened to yourself O'Reily?"
"well, today's Monday, yesterday was Sunday and I was in church. We stood to sing the hymns when I noticed that mrs. Magilicuddy who was stood in front of me, had her lovely sunday frock stuck in her cheeks, so I reached over and pulled it back out. well she swung around and belted me with her handbag!"
" Ah bad luck O'Reily, you being such a gentleman and all"
The very next week I called into the pub again to find O'Reily battered and bruised all over! " What happened to yourself O'Reily?"
"Well today's Monday, yesterday was Sunday And I was in church with Shamus, we stood to sing the hymns and mrs. Magilicuddy had her sunday frock all jammed up so Shamus pulled it out for her.Now I knew she doesnt like that so I quickly tucked it back in!