Best Jokes

A good looking girl waved at me today…

But there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.

First year University medical students were attending their first Anatomy Class. They all gathered around the table and there was a real dead body on the table. The Professor, started the class by telling them two important qualities of a doctor.

He said, "The first quality is to never be disgusted about anything in the body." For example, he put his finger in the dead body's arm pit and put the finger in his own mouth & tasted it.

Then he told the students to do what he did. The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in the body's arm pit and tasted it too. When everyone finished tasting their fingers, they were all frowning.

Then the professor looked at them and said: "The second quality is 'Observation'. I inserted my middle finger but tasted the index finger... Now learn to pay attention!"

Two strings walk into a bar.

The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says. "Aren't you a string?" the bartender asks. "I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.

I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the CRAP out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!