Best Jokes

What do you get if you cross a dog with a cheetah?

A dog that chases cars -- and catches them!


What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?

An animal that can lick you from the other side of the road!


What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a Dog!

A millionaire, a hard hat, and an old drunk are at a bar. When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.

The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then proceeds to sip it.

The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and quaffs the rest.

It's now the old drunk's turn. He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news.

"I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord told him.

Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve."

"Wonderful!" Adam said. "Thank you. What is the second organ?"

"The other organ," God continued, "is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time..."

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.

After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing on my bagpipes."