Best Jokes

This guy who is down and out on his luck finally gets a job at a funeral parlor, The boss tells him he will receive huge incentives if he digs out and bring back all the expensive coffins after every burial they conduct, He does very well at this until he's stopped one evening at a roadblock with a coffin full of mud. The officer asks him where is he going with this coffin and calls for backup.

The guy responds calmly, "Officer, I don't like the place they buried me, so I'm moving elsewhere."

My ex-wife goes bowling with the money I send her each month.

I guess that's why they call it alley money.

Q: Why do they call it PMS?

A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

A few years I got tired of the city life and bought a little cabin In the remote mountains of Alaska. It was a long winter, but made it thru it.

One day I heard a knock at my door I opened it and there stood a big burly guy. He said he lived over the mountain and had seen my smoke. He said he is throwing a spring party over at his cabin. He said it will be tomorrow and asked me if I wanted to come?

I said ya, its been a long winter,

He said There would be a lot of drinking,

I said I like to drink.

Also there will probably be some fighting,

I said I could hold my own.

Then he said, oh, there will be a lot of sex,

I said wow, Its been a long time for me.

He said see you tomorrow and started to walk off.

I said what time should I be there?

He said, it doesn't matter, There's only going to be you and me!