Best Jokes

There was a couple married for 50 years and on the 50th anniversary the wife saw the husband crying and she told him, "Honey I never knew that after 50 years you would still love me the same way you did 50 years ago."

The husband looks at the wife and asks her, "Honey, do you remember 50 years ago when your father caught us behind the barn naked?"

And the wife says yes.

The man replies do you remember what your father told me that day?

She replies no.

The husband replies he told me that if I don't marry you he would have me locked up in prison for 50 years.

The wife looks at the husband and says "and?"

So the husband replies, "HOLLY COW! I could of been a free man by now!"

Q: How do you clear out an Afghan bingo game?

A: Call B52

A college student stated, " I DON'T LIKE HISTORY."

"THERE'S NO FUTURE IN IT."

This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday. I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his wine making. He did. I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink, but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish that I couldn't go upstairs and congratulate my wife to tell her what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will do that after climbing the basement steps the next time they come by.