Best Jokes

I checked out a book from the library called "How to Have a Perfect Memory." Now if I just could remember where I put it.

I wonder, do birds always plan things, or do they sometimes just wing it?

Wife: Dear God, I wish you could make my husband pay more attention to me, protect me, take me out, sleep close to me at night. I wish he would be more caring, even if I got the smallest of scratches.

God turned her into a smartphone.

A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular Scandinavian-looking young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So... you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached out for her and the love making resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there were screams of passion. The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and asks, "OK, now you finish?"

And once again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly purrs, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously -- screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiling proudly, and says, "Now you finish!"

"No!" she shouts back, "I Swedish!"