Best Jokes

I was just reading that the economy over in New Jersey is so bad, that the Mafia had to lay off three Judges the other day!

Used car salesperson to customer: How would you like to buy a car with zero down and zero per month?

Customer: (slight pause) For how many months?

It's so hot here where I live in Florida, that I walked to the store and bought some cookie dough ice cream, and by the time I got home it was cookies.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

Man: "Hello."

Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club"?

Man: "Yes."

Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it"?

Man: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2016 models. I saw one that I really liked."

Man: "How much"?

Woman: "$90,000."

Man: "Okay, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

Woman: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

Man: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It's really a pretty good price."

Woman: "Okay. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

Man: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He smiles and asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"