Best Jokes

If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant?

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma.

A boy was getting a checkup at the doctor's office, while his mother was in the waiting room. Trying to get some information out of the boy, the nurse asked, "What's your mother's name?"

The boy replied, "Mom."

The nurse said, "Well, what does your dad call her?"

The boy responded, "Tammy." The nurse wrote this down. She did the same thing, only with the father as the subject, and got the same reply, "Dad."

As a last resort, she remarked, once again, "What does your mom call him?"

The boy looked up at her with big innocent eyes and said, "Idiot."

You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise...

I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did.