Best Jokes

Old man walks up and says, "For sixty years I've been trying to figure out why we vote in November. Finally found the answer this year."

"Why's that?"

"Better selection of turkeys!"

Living beyond your means takes twice as much money as it used to.

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

Mother: "What does the cow say?"

Child: "Moo!"

Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"

Child: "Meow."

Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

What kind of meds do kleptomaniacs take to get better?