Best Jokes

A guy meets an attractive woman at a bar. After a few drinks he invites her over to his place. She answers by saying it depends on what they'll be riding in on the way over there.

He says, "I’ll give you a few hints. The chauffeur drives, the vehicle costs over $300 thousand dollars, and I’d like to surprise you with the rest of details should you decide to accept my invitation."

She happily accepted and he led her outside. She reacts, "Hey wait a minute! we’re at the bus stop!"

"Surprise!"

How do you stop an elephant from going on vacation?

You take his trunk away.

Four engineers where riding in a car when it just stopped.

The chemical engineer said, "We need to drain/refill all the fluids".
The electrical engineer said, "No, we need to rewire it".
The mechanical engineer said, "Lets rebuild it".

They all turned to the Microsoft engineer and he said, "Why don't we all get out of the car and back in....."

My wife just sent me a strange text message.

"There's a man on the bus next to me who keeps farting."

I replied, "That's okay. At least he isn't on your bus."