Best Jokes

My big toe has no problem finding a piece of furniture in a dark room.

After a very passionate sermon the preacher was standing at the door to greet the departing congregation when one very upset lady said, "Pastor, I am very disappointed in your sermon...you said the word 'damn'."

"Oh," said the Pastor. "I am sorry if I offended you. What did I say just before that word?"

"I don't remember," she said.

"Well, what did I say after that word?"

"I don't remember," she said.

"I guess it was good that I used that word or you would not have heard ONE WORD I said."

Frankenstein and Count Dracula had a boxing match scheduled in which they were going to throw the fight. This was so Dracula could win in order to pay off a debt to the mafia. Frankenstein was heavily favored and the mafia were betting on him so they could increase the debt Dracula owed and further put pressure on him.

The bell rung and out came the two combatants. Not ten seconds went by when Frankenstein hit the mat. "Would you look at that," said one spectator. "Frankenstein was barely touched and now he's lying on his back."

"Dracula is dancing the victory dance around him!" yelled another. "The referee's already up to 8."

"This looks highly suspicious to me," said a third. "I think Frankenstein's down for the Count!"

A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She had made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they had eaten half of it. The next day, however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut herself a slice. Then another, and another. By the time she had polished off the cake, she knew her husband would be disappointed.

"What did he say when he found out?" one club member asked.

"He never found out," she said. "I made another cake and ate half."