Best Jokes

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like every time I go to see the doctor, all I hear coming out of his mouth is a DIE-agnosis?

I feel like I'm in a rut. Every time I go to bed at night, I find myself just getting up again in the morning.

A three-fer:

What do you get when you cross a former vice president with a slasher film?
A: An Al Gore-fest!

What do you get when you cross a former "90210" actress with a national youth contest?
A: A Tori Spelling-Bee!

What do you get when you cross a presidential candidate with a wind instrument?
A: A Donald Trump-pet!

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock. The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.

"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."