Best Jokes

I live across the street from a crematorium.

What I want to know is, why do they have a delivery truck drop off marshmallows every morning?

What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?

It's time to get a new fence.

What did the trash compactor say to the wine bottle?

"I've got a crush on you!"

Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Leave this pub right now!" He then approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then leave now as well," said the priest.

Father Murphy then walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole replied: "No, I don't Father." The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die. Yes Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."