Best Jokes

Unbeknownst to Harold, the local tax collector, he was knocking on the door of a house inhabited by cannibals. A woman answered the door.

"I'm here to talk to a person named Stewart. He's a bit late on his tax payment."

"Actually, we just moved in with him recently. He can't see you now," she replied.

"Can I wait for him?"

"Sure! And while you're waiting, how would you like some dinner? You look very hungry. I've made up a delicious array of meat and vegetables simmered in a thick, seasoned broth. Sort of like goulash."

"This is highly inappropriate, but it does smell delicious. I'll have just a little." After finishing his meal, Harold says, "Absolutely scrumptious! Can Stewart see me now?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave."

"But I was here to meet Stewart."

"Don't worry about meeting Stew. Go out to your car and give yourself a couple of hours. Stew will be right out!"

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they're bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He took her appendix out!"

(Dad) I just got an invitation to my thirty year High School class reunion. I don’t think I’m going to attend.

(Son) Dad isn’t it true that each year the graduating class is larger than the year before.

(Dad) Yes, that’s generally how it works. By the time you graduate son the graduation class should be double of what it was last year.

(Son) My point exactly, based on that I really think you should attend.

(Dad) What point?

(Son) I just did the math in my head and it just wouldn’t be fair to the other two graduates if you missed it.