Best Jokes

How do two Navy Admirals greet each other?

A NAVAL Salute.

Two best friends were having lunch together. One was trim and the other was rather rotund. The trim friend ordered a salad, his friend ordered a Ruben sandwich with large fries and a milkshake.

The trim one said, "You don't have to eat every speck off your plate; being overweight can put you in an early grave."

His friend replied, "You know I don't like wasting anything. When it's my time to go I plan on filling the box."

One day an extremely nervous dental patient came for a root-canal surgery. He was brought into the examining room and made comfortable in the reclining dental chair. The dentist then injected a numbing agent around the patient's tooth, and left the room for a few minutes while the medication took hold.

When the dentist returned, the patient was standing next to a tray of dental equipment, "What are you doing by the surgical instruments?" asked the surprised dentist.

Focused on his task, the patient replied, "I'm taking out the ones I don't like."

A guy is doing some handyman work at a house. Across the room is a large gray parrot on a perch. The family dog comes into the room and jumps up on the couch. The parrot says, “Get off the couch!” and the dog jumps down immediately.

A small child comes into the room with toys and the parrot says, “Go to your room!” and the child picks up his toys leaves without hesitation.

The guy turns to the parrot and says, “I’ve never seen anything like that before."

The parrot looks at the guy and says, “Get back to work!”