Best Jokes

I ran into my neighbor walking his 2 pit bulls. He told me he was going to the maul.

I hope I heard that correctly.

After surgery, the doctor said to the patient, "I am sorry, but I forgot a pair of scissors inside you. I need to..."

The patient quickly responded, "Oh don't bother doctor! If it is because of that, just tell me how much it cost and I will pay you back."

(Husband) Honey bunches, since you want me to loose a little weight I’m going to try some of those low calorie chocolate favored drinks.

(Wife) Really? That’s great cuddle bear! You do realize dumpling they’re only used as a meal replacement right?

(Husband) What are you talking about Sandra?

(Wife) What I'm saying is you can’t use them to wash down chilly cheese fries, Frank!

"Did you hear the one about the guy who was writing for an online joke site?"

"No, what happened?"

"Apparently the site kept rejecting his jokes due to poor grammar!"

"What?!?! Everyone knows perfect grammar can sometimes ruin the delivery of a joke!"

"This may be true but apparently you’re not allowed to dangle your participle on the internet!"