Best Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur that turns small words into big words?

A Thesaurus!

What has two thumbs, and sometimes tells jokes in the wrong media, rendering them useless?

This guy!

Unbeknownst to Harold, the local tax collector, he was knocking on the door of a house inhabited by cannibals. A woman answered the door.

"I'm here to talk to a person named Stewart. He's a bit late on his tax payment."

"Actually, we just moved in with him recently. He can't see you now," she replied.

"Can I wait for him?"

"Sure! And while you're waiting, how would you like some dinner? You look very hungry. I've made up a delicious array of meat and vegetables simmered in a thick, seasoned broth. Sort of like goulash."

"This is highly inappropriate, but it does smell delicious. I'll have just a little." After finishing his meal, Harold says, "Absolutely scrumptious! Can Stewart see me now?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave."

"But I was here to meet Stewart."

"Don't worry about meeting Stew. Go out to your car and give yourself a couple of hours. Stew will be right out!"

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.