Best Jokes

This guy just sat around, snapping his fingers. Wherever he went, he kept snapping his fingers. People were beginning to get annoyed. Finally a man walked up to him and asked him why he kept snapping his fingers.

"To keep the elephants away," was the reply.

"Elephants? There aren't any elephants within 1,000 miles of here!"

"Then it must be working!"

If I try to fail and I succeed, which one did I do?

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

I telephoned the veterinarian's office to ask when I should take my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies. After a few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked, "What is the kitten's name?"

"Demon," I replied.

"Demon? That's an odd name," she said.

"Maybe, but it's appropriate anyway."

I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, "Our records show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish for 'male cat'], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that right?"

"Yes, it is."

"You really don't like cats, do you?"