Best Jokes

When you're on an airplane and you meet someone whose first name is JACK whatever you do DON'T GREET HIM.

You might get in trouble with the authorities.

While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.

He thought about it for some time then said, "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

A teacher asked her students what religious objects they had in their homes. One boy answered, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."

The next little boy said, "We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and an Asian face, and every day my parents burn an incense stick before it."

Then a third boy piped up, "In the bathroom we have a flat, square box with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing in the morning and screams,'OH MY GOD!'"

"What does the Chaplain do?

A couple was touring the capitol in Washington, DC, and the guide pointed out a tall, benevolent gentleman as the Congressional Chaplain.

The lady asked, "What does the Chaplain do? Does he pray for the Senate or House?"

The guide answered, "No, he gets up, looks at both houses of Congress, then prays for the country!"