Best Jokes

My best old friend asked me, "How do you keep your marriage so fresh?"

I said, "Well for the last 30 years we've done nothing together and we get along just fine! Why do you ask?"

He replied, "My wife has kind of the same idea."

"Oh?", I said.

"Yea a Divorce!"

A farmer was coming home from a hard day’s work, tired, thirsty and almost dehydrated. He stopped at a nearby house and asked for water.

A little boy who was home alone offered him lemonade instead of water. The more he drank, the more the boy told him he could have. He asked the boy if he was sure his mother would be pleased that he drank so much.

The boy replied, “You can have as much as you want because my dog died in it.”

Shocked and angry the man lifted the pitcher intending to use it to hit the boy who then shouted, "Oh no! No! Be careful or you'll break my mother’s bedpan!”

Visiting a genealogist, a man asked how much it would cost to have his family tree traced.

“It could cost thousands of dollars,” said the woman.

“I see. Well, isn’t there an easier way? A less expensive way?”

“Sure,” she replied. “Run for president.”

Hey Doc this job interview has my nerves all out of shape, what should I do?

Doc -- well do as I do and have a lot of patients.