Best Jokes

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

5. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

6. Your rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

7. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

8. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

9. Your bologna has no first name.

10. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

I try not to think about this too much, but somewhere out there, flying the friendly skies, is the world's WORST pilot.

My grandma has always been interested in technology, so when I got my new smart phone, she wanted me to show her some of its features.

The first thing I demonstrated to her is how to change the screen by swiping it.

I haven't seen grandma or my phone since.

A fisherman began to drill a hole in the ice to fish when a voice called out, "You can't fish there."

He moved the drill a few feet and began to drill again and the voice repeated, "You can't fish there either."

After three more attempts he yelled, "Why can't I fish here?"

"You can't fish anywhere here, this is an ice rink."