Latest Jokes

1 votes
rating rating rating rating rating

"Quick! Call a tree surgeon!"


"My maple tree is bleeding!"

"That's not blood, that's sap."

"What's sap?"

"Nothing. What's sap with you?"

1 votes

posted by "Alan Valentine" |
4 votes

A guy asked his lawyer, "If I pay off crooks, is it illegal?"

The lawyer replies, "Yes, you'd be involved in a conspiracy."

"Good," said the man, been looking for a way to avoid paying my taxes!

4 votes

posted by "Marty" |
4 votes

I just received a letter from the IRS claiming I wasn’t honest on my tax return. I wrote them back saying if you want honesty, the next time you write start the letter out by saying “stick em up”!

4 votes

posted by "Marty" |
$7.00 won 3 votes

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank."

Passenger: :Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."

Cabbie: "There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: “I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”

3 votes

Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "outward" |