Wife: John, what becomes of a ballplayer when his eyesight starts to fail?
John: They make him an umpire.
People who think that time heals everything have obviously never tried waiting it out in a doctor's waiting room!
"I'm a little worried about our mailman. Last week I found a pile of bones on the front walk and the dog was picking his teeth with a postcard."
What do you call a GMO human male child?
An alter boy.