Buddha walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
Two men were walking down the street when they saw a dog licking himself. One man said "I wish I could do that." The other man said "you should probably just pet him first."
A guy and his wife find an S & M magazine under their son's bed.Mom says "This is horrible, what should we do?" Dad goes, "Well we can't spank him!"
When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.
I almost died in Finding Nemo.