Latest Jokes

Husband: Every time I yell and get angry at you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet seat.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo Island, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. At noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.

"What are those drums?" asked the anthropologist, knowing he was in cannibal country.

The guide turned to him and said "No worry. Drums OK, but very bad when they stop."

They both went ghostly pale when the drums suddenly stopped. The guide crouched in the belly of the canoe and covered his ears.

"Do as I do! Very important!" intoned the guide with great urgency.

"Why? What does this mean?" asked the panicked anthropologist.

"Drums stop! Next come guitar solo!"

A man got lost in his car during a snow storm. He remembered something he had read earlier: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and he followed it for about 45 minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked the man what he was doing. He explained that he had read somewhere that if he ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the mall parking lot, now you can follow me over to the ice rink."

My wife keeps reminding me about some things that need repair around the house. One would think that after six months she’d know I have the list memorized.