Latest Jokes

(German Sheppard parents to their puppy named Max) Max you'll need to keep your nose to the grindstone and become a working dog if you want to have a bright future.

(Max the puppy) But my friend has kept his nose to the grindstone and he doesn’t have a job.

(Mother replies) Not really Max, your friend Arf Arf is just a Pug.

The Phone Rings….

(Mother) Hello
(Daughter) Hi Mom!

(Mother) Honey, I haven’t head from you in months, is everything OK?
(Daughter) I just wanted to let you know I’m in my 3rd trimester.

(Mother) You’re PREGNANT?!?!
(Daughter) Nooooo! I went off to college remember?

My brain travels at the speed of light...

One second it’s here and the next it’s 186,000 miles away.

While taking the garbage out the other day, I lifted up a pretty heavy bag of trash and threw my back out.

I had to drive all the way to the dump to retrieve it.