A zombie goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a horrible rash!"
The doctor says, "Son, I'm sorry but that's not a rash, that's called your face."
What do you call a looney, lifelong small town resident?
A loco local.
Student 1: "My professor told me my assignment was to get up in front of the whole class and give a talk on the round, light pinkish colored, fuzzy skinned fruit which is the nickname for the state of Georgia."
Student 2: "Oh, in other words, you're going to give a SPEACH?"
What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays!