A young boy asks his dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential?”
The dad replies, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That’s confidential.”
"When is it bad luck to see a black cat?"
"When you're a mouse???"
Grampa (attempting to fix a toy): "Vinnie, give me your free hand."
Vinnie: "I don't have free hands, Grampa."
Grampa: "Sure you do, Vinnie. Just give me your free hand."
Vinnie (exasperated): "I don't HAVE free hands, Grampa! I only have TWO!"
Son: "Mom, do I look like God?"
Mom: "No, honey. Why?"
Son: "Because everywhere I go, people say, 'Oh God, he is back!'"