His beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted.
Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim. Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone.
"We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'"
While watching the weather update early one evening in the middle of January, the forecast was for partly cloudy the rest of the day and through the night.
Upon getting up and looking out the window the next morning, the man calls the station.
He then asks if they can send someone out to plow the 18 inches of "partly cloudy" out of his driveway.
John: "When I was taking psychology classes in college, they taught us that the first sign that someone is going insane is that they grow hair on their knuckles."
Fred: (While looking at his knuckles) "Really? I didn't know that."
John: "Yes. And do you know what the second sign is?"
Fred: "No. What?"
John: "Looking for it."