I suffer from kleptomania... When it gets really bad, I take something for it!
I tripped on an ax, I fell and broke my tooth. It wasn't intentional. It was ax-dental.
I was in the supermarket the other day and suddenly I got hit in the head with a can of soda... I'm so glad it was a soft drink!
I tried to flip my house last week... All I got for it was three herniated discs!