At a restaurant one night, the man at the next table was pulling out all the stops to impress his underwhelmed date.
He crowned a lengthy list of lifetime achievements by stating, “At least I can say I have been a Hollywood movie producer.”
The woman nodded. “I’ll make a note of that: ‘has-been movie producer.'”
A father texts his son: "My dear son, today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life. My best love and good wishes. Your Father."
His son texts back: "Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"
His Father replies: "I know."