Best Jokes

A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water. Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, he heaves his golf clubs into the water and begins to walk off the course.

Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs. When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course.

Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"

And he said, "I had to, I left my car keys in the bag."

Ralph was towing his boat home from a fishing trip in Jamaica Bay when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."

A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location."

"I-95, two miles south of Cranston."

After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

I still have a lot of trouble with wrong numbers. Yesterday I dialed the Red Cross and got the Internal Revenue Service in error.

So the IRS operator asked me what number I had dialed. I said, "The Red Cross, you know, where they take the blood."

She said, "Well, you aren't too far off, are you?"