Best Jokes

Who's the Smarter Shopper?

When a man goes shopping he will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs...

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she does not need, but IT'S ON SALE!

When eating out, 3 guys will each throw in $20, even though the bill comes out to $31.20. None of them will carry anything other than a $20 bill and none will actually admit they want change back.

When 3 ladies get their bill... OUT COME THE CALCULATORS!

A group of gentlemen had been discussing, since the mid 1800's, about forming a club to address the defective LIBERTY BELL that was ordered from the Whitechapel Foundry of London in 1751. The LIBERTY BELL cracked the first time it was rung. After various attempts to repair the iconic crack, it was last rung in 1846.

The Philadelphia Procrastination Club was finally formed around 1956 with a charter to request authorization from the Whitechapel Foundry for return of the defective bell. After various drafts of this request, it was finally approved by the Philadelphia Procrastination Club membership 50 years after their formation.

The Whitechapel Foundry of London issued approval for the return of the bell with the stipulation that the bell be returned with its "ORIGINAL PACKAGING".

Once upon a time, there was a man who went to the zoo. He stopped by the gorilla cage. There is a big sign there that says "Do NOT touch the gorilla!" Somehow the man accidentally touched the gorilla.

A few minutes later he goes into his car and drives home. While he drives on the freeway he sees in his rear view mirror the gorilla driving a few feet away from home.

Being scared the man goes to an airport flying from New York to Los Angeles. He looks back on the airplane and there is the same gorilla there.

After he gets off at Los Angeles the guy tries to swim to China. After quite some time he looks back and sure enough the gorilla is also swimming to China.

When he finally reaches China, the man who is out of breath by now. Sitting down he rests for awhile. By now the gorilla is only a few feet away from him.

The guy says to him, "What do you want from me? Why do you keep chasing me?"

The gorilla taps him on the shoulder and says to the man, "Tag! You're it!"