Best Jokes

After raising four kids and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years ... a literature course.

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.

He ambled over to the lectern, took out a paper, and began: "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."

I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student behind me whispered, "Slow down... he's just taking attendance."

I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, “I’m really hopeless at fishing and need some tips."

The man said, “Okay, can you hold the line?”

I said, “No.”