Best Jokes

When he saw how astronomically high his latest phone bill was, the head of house called a family meeting.

“This is unacceptable,” said the father. ”You have to limit the use of the phone. I never use this phone. I always use the one in the office.”

The mother said, ”Same here. I hardly use the home phone, because I use my work phone.”

The son said, ”Me, too. I never use the home phone. I always use the company's mobile."

”So what is the problem?” asked the maid. ”We all use our work telephones.”

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

When a small village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one.

Randall, an older man, stood up. "Ah think we should keep the old truck," he said. "We can use it for all them false alarms!"

A policeman saw a man dressed in full cowboy garb -- hat, chaps, duster, six-shooters, boots, and spurs -- standing on a street corner in a busy city. He approached the cowboy and asked him his name.

"Call me Tex!" was the cowboy's reply.

"Well, Tex, where are you from, Texas?" the policeman asked.

"Nah, I'm from Louisiana, but I couldn't very well have you call me Louise!"