Best Jokes

Ralph was towing his boat home from a fishing trip in Jamaica Bay when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."

A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location."

"I-95, two miles south of Cranston."

After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

I still have a lot of trouble with wrong numbers. Yesterday I dialed the Red Cross and got the Internal Revenue Service in error.

So the IRS operator asked me what number I had dialed. I said, "The Red Cross, you know, where they take the blood."

She said, "Well, you aren't too far off, are you?"

In the world of flies, a young fly needed a heart transplant. After being taken to surgery, the fly anesthesiologist put the young fly to sleep.

The fly doctor assistant cut open the young fly’s chest. He then announced to the fly heart doctor, "Your fly is open."

The heart doctor blushed.

Where do shellfish go to borrow money?

The prawn broker.