Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the sixty-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said the seventy-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"
"Actually," said the eighty-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty-year-old.
"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6 AM. I usually pee like a racehorse - no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the seventy-year-old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the sixty-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"
To which the eighty-year-old replied, "I don't wake up until ten."
Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.
I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.
“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”
A snail goes to buy a car and looks at several models. He looks a the 'z' car, an 'x' car, and an 's' car.
He decides to buy the 's' car.
Now when he drives down the street, everyone says look at that 's'-car-go!