Best Jokes

I think my smartphone is broken. I keep pressing the Home button, but I'm still working.

On a visit to Chicago, a woman was eager to visit a posh department store a few blocks from her hotel. Her husband agreeably hailed a cab. “The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus,” he told the driver.
The cabby looked over his shoulder at them. “And the gentleman?” he asked. “Does he want to go to the bank?”

A football coach walked into the locker room before a big game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."

The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this... What is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then answered, "Four?"

"Did you say four?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had given the right answer.

Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

A man was applying for a job as a prison guard. The warden said, “Now these are real tough guys in here. Can handle it?”

“No problem,” the applicant replied. “If they don’t behave, out they go!”