Best Jokes

My wife loves sales.

She'll buy anything that's marked down.

Yesterday she came home with an escalator.

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss were on their way to a lunch meeting. In the cab they found a lamp. The boss rubbed it and a genie appeared.

"I'll grant you one wish each," the genie said.

Grabbing the lamp from his boss, the eager senior manager shouted, "I want to be on a fast boat in the Bahamas with no worries." And poof, he was gone.

The junior manager couldn't keep quiet. He shouted, "I want to be in Miami, with beautiful girls, and food, and cocktails." And poof, he was gone.

Finally, it was the boss's' turn. "I want those idiots back in the office after lunch."

After my wife landed a coveted job offer from UPS, we went out of town to celebrate.

While on our trip, she was contacted by the company's Human Resources department with an urgent request to complete and send back her tax forms.

"No problem," she said. "I'll FedEx them right over."

A cow and a pig are watching TV.

Pig: "Wanna watch something scary?"

Cow: "Okay by me."

So the pig changes channel to the Food Network.