During training exercises, the Lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he encountered another car stuck in the mud, with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is!"
After a coworker had finished his English lecture and his class had filed out, a tenth grader stayed behind to confront him.
“I don’t appreciate being singled out,” he told his teacher.
The teacher was confused. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know what the ‘oxy’ part means, but I know what a ‘moron’ is, and you looked straight at me when you said it.”
If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother Josh and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home.
"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.
"I don't have a tape measure."
"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."
"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."