I walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a Screwdriver.
He disappears and reappears twenty minutes later with a Philips Head screwdriver.
I look at him aghast and say, “What would you have done if I asked for a Bloody Mary?”
What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?
Sanka.
What kind of lettuce did they serve with their salads on the Titanic?
Iceberg.
Teacher: Which hand do you eat spaghetti with Little Johnny?
Little Johnny: I don't use my hands, I use a fork.
I'm trying to eat healthy so I'm making some "whole grain" oatmeal cookies. I don't like raisins so I'm substituting them for M&M's.
I think their about the same thing, they both came from plants, right?!?!