Best Jokes

My friend called me and said, "Meet me at the Vinyl Shop in 45."

I made it there in 33, which was Record Time!

A fishmonger is painting "FRESH FISH SOLD HERE" above his door when a passerby comes to meet him. "It's probably not necessary to write, 'Here'; you're not selling it anywhere else after all."

"No, that's right." the fishmonger replies.

"And it's probably not necessary to write 'Sold' either, since you wouldn't be giving it away."

"No, that's true," the fishmonger says.

"It's probably also not necessary to write 'Fresh' as your sellers naturally will assume it is fresh," the helpful man continues.

"Yes, that's quite true," the fishmonger replies. "Thank you very much, you've saved me a lot of trouble."

"You're welcome," the man replies. "Oh, and by the way, you probably don't even need to write 'Fish'; I could smell it from a block away."

John: How's your new alarm clock working out?

Fred: It didn't work out at all. It gave me so much trouble I returned it to the store.

John: Really! What was wrong with it?

Fred: It kept waking me up every morning.