Best Jokes

A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?"

"Relax," says the doctor, "you're just having an auto-body experience."

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."

One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured!"

Bob and Marge had friends over for card night. The guys played poker while the ladies played bridge in a different room down the hall. The guys were talking about the part time jobs they had during college. After everyone except Bob had told their stories all eyes were on him.

Bob leaned in and whispered, “Marge doesn’t like it when I tell people this but I was a model back in college. There was a time when the image of my face was seen by millions across America on a daily basis. Marge thinks my sharing of this story is unwarranted boast and I should keep it to myself.”

Just then Marge piped in from other room... “You had one modeling job Bob and that’s only because your high school buddy invented the bobble head!”