A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy, and irresistible to women you are?"
Totally flattered, he replied, "No dear, they haven't."
At that point she yelled, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"
A driver visiting a big city for the first time stopped at a red light. But when the light turned green, he stayed where he was.
After the light changed several more times and he still didn't move, a traffic cop ran over and inquired politely, "What's wrong? Don't we have any colors you like?"
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter!"
"Wow, I'm glad to hear that."
"Someday I intend on reading it as well."
A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
Turning to a co-worker he said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"