Best Jokes

Let the Wookiee win. While you're at it, let the Wookiee have the right of way in traffic. If they tip badly, do not complain. If the Wookiee does not return library books right on time, do not fine them. If they take food from your refrigerator, just let it go. Finally, if the Wookiee is your customer, remember that the customer is always right.

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology.

A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials.

"Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.

"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."

My friend called me and said, "Meet me at the Vinyl Shop in 45."

I made it there in 33, which was Record Time!

A fishmonger is painting "FRESH FISH SOLD HERE" above his door when a passerby comes to meet him. "It's probably not necessary to write, 'Here'; you're not selling it anywhere else after all."

"No, that's right." the fishmonger replies.

"And it's probably not necessary to write 'Sold' either, since you wouldn't be giving it away."

"No, that's true," the fishmonger says.

"It's probably also not necessary to write 'Fresh' as your sellers naturally will assume it is fresh," the helpful man continues.

"Yes, that's quite true," the fishmonger replies. "Thank you very much, you've saved me a lot of trouble."

"You're welcome," the man replies. "Oh, and by the way, you probably don't even need to write 'Fish'; I could smell it from a block away."