Best Jokes

$9.00 won 1 votes

Harry the Complainer and his wife happened to pass away on the same day and as they await their interview with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, they're approached by an angel.

"Hello," says the angel. "I'm your host, and welcome to Heaven. In a few moments you'll be entering through our famous Pearly Gates for the most fantastic adventure you've ever experienced. You'll have a chauffeur driven limousine service anywhere in the universe, plus deluxe accommodations at our luxury hotel with all the amenities -- pool, Jacuzzi, indoor tennis courts, and more. Then after your day of relaxation, dine at any of our 5-star restaurants savoring the finest of any cuisine known to man."

At this point, Harry gives his wife a shove in the ribs with his elbow. "If it wasn't for you and that stupid oat bran, we'd have been here ten years ago!"

1 votes

Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "wadejagz" |
$15.00 won 1 votes
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Why isn't holy water used in vaccines?

Because you can't take the lord's name in vein.

1 votes

CATEGORY Puns
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
1 votes

Three guys are fishing when an angel appears.

The first guy says, “I’ve suffered from back pain for years. Can you help me?”

The angel touches the man’s back and he feels instant relief.

The second guy points to his thick glasses and begs for a cure for his poor eyesight.

When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man gains 20/20 vision.

As the angel turns to the third fellow, he instantly recoils and screams, “Don’t touch me! I’m on disability!”

1 votes

CATEGORY Work Jokes
posted by "Jareth the Goblin King" |
$5.00 won 1 votes

A man flies into a new city on business. When he got to the hotel he realized he came down with laryngitis. He decided to call a doctor before he completely lost his voice.

He looks up a doctor’s phone number and calls him. A woman picks up the phone. The man, not being able to talk loud, whispers, “Is the doctor in?”

The woman whispers back, “He just left. It’s safe to come in now.”

1 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Raj Padmanathan " |