How can you tell you’re getting old?
You go to an antiques auction and three people bid on you.
Applications for a job at the company where I worked are asked to fill out a questionnaire. Among the things candidates list is their high school and when they attended.
One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name of his high school, followed by the dates attended: ”Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.”
Two neighbors living in New York’s stockbroker belt were discussing how they had made their respective fortunes.
One said, “When I came here from Mexico three years ago, all I had was the boots on my feet and a sack on my back. Look at me now: a $10 million house, a $3 million penthouse apartment, three classic cars worth $1 million each, a yacht worth $3 million, and $5 million in the bank.”
“That’s amazing,” said his neighbor. “Tell me, what was in the sack?”
“Twenty-four million dollars.”
A young boy watched his grandfather put on shoes with a device he'd never seen before.
The boy asked what it was. As he handed it to the boy, the grandfather answered, "It's a shoehorn."
After looking at it and turning it over the boy asked, "How do you play it?"