Best Jokes

Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine."

Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one overweight member said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently."

"Do you have anything else to add?" asked the manager.

"Well, yes," said the member. "I also lie extensively."

Robinson Crusoe, the shipwrecked golfer, made the best of his tiny island. When a cruise liner spotted his distress signals and sent a boat to investigate, the landing party was amazed to find a crude but recognizable nine-hole course which the castaway had played with driftwood woods, whalebone and coral putter and balls carved out of pumice stone.

"Quite a layout," said the officer in charge of the rescuers.

"You're too kind, it's very rough and ready," the goatskin-clad golfer responded. Then he smiled slyly, "I am however, quite proud of the water hazard."

We were hosted by a community for our practicum in Nursing. The town hall was already full so the town representative offered the stage next to a basketball court for our temporary abode.

One student came to me and told me that one of our students, Jason, wouldn't sleep on the stage. I asked why.

My student replied, "Jason has stage fright."

My house had been burglarized and the police were taking a report.

The policeman asked me, "Have you lived here all your life?"

I replied, "Hopefully, not yet!"