Best Jokes

John: When I was in college one of my professors did a study on "WHAT IS THE BEST LENGTH FOR A PERSON'S LEGS."

Fred: That sounds interesting.

John: Yes it was, and do you know what he found to be the best length for a person's legs?

Fred: No, what was it?

John: Just long enough to reach the ground.

Finally old enough to date, I awkwardly take my first girlfriend to a fancy restaurant where they don't have cheeseburgers or pizza on the menu.

Waitress: Soup or Salad?

Me: Sure, super salad sounds good!

Waitress: Sir, soup or salad?

Me: Yep, super salad sounds good.

Waitress, slightly annoyed: Would you like the soup.... or... the salad?

Me, embarrassed and red: I'll have the salad.

Why do bagpipe players always walk while they play?

Is it to get away from the noise?

A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son three quarters to drop in the offering plate as it was passed.

As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was slow and boring, and the singing was off key."

Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for 75 cents."