Best Jokes

I was getting ready for a doctor's appointment and remembered how my mother once told me, "An apple a day, keeps the doctor away."

Taking her words to heart I decided to bring an apple. Needless to say, it was shot day, I didn't like needles and was thinking, "There must be some way out of this?"

So without thinking, I threw my apple at the doctor. He hasn't spoken to me since.

Stroke a cat...

And you will have a permanent job.

I started out with nothing!

And I still have most of it left.

It seems that every time John, our piano tuner, comes to our house, he scolds me for waiting too long between tunings. I agree with him that it should be done every six months, but I don't really think about it until the piano sounds off-key. Last time he came over, I was on the defensive.

"If you would send out a postcard reminder like the dentist," I declared, "I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a timely fashion."

Without hesitating, he replied, "From now on, when the dentist sends you a postcard, call me."