Best Jokes

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they are sure you are not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a women whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

My paper got ripped earlier...

I'm still torn up about it!

An aspiring politician was attending an interview. The interviewer asked, "If people in a place are suffering from severe drought and they are thirsty, what would you do?"

Politician: "I will provide them with water."

Interviewer: "What if there is no water at all to offer?"

Politician: "Then I will make a promise that I will provide them water."